The Laments & Tribulations of Dabbling in the Theatrical Arts

The Laments & Tribulations of Dabbling in the Theatrical Arts
By Pauly Shore


I, Paul Montgomery Shore Esq., have arrived at an impasse.

Ever since I was but a wee sprout in Canterbury, I have had a love affair of sorts with the arts of onstage and onscreen performance. As luck would have it, I was able to find fortune with these talents. Perhaps some of you would recognize me as the lovable oaf from The Music Television’s Totally Pauly. Others of you likely know me from my magnum opus, Bio-Dome, which is of course considered to be an integral piece of high-concept motion picture canon. Yes, these accomplishments are certainly nothing to scoff at, nor are my numerous supporting roles in hit films such as Son In Law, In the Army Now, and the box office smash Phantom of the Mall, Eric’s Revenge.

Recently, however, I have been faced with an unnerving dilemma: where does a performance artist of my caliber go from here? What does one who has climbed every mountain and sailed every sea set out to conquer? Space? I think not. My landmark performances have brought tears to the eyes of the greatest of men! They have tamed the wildest and most feral of beasts! They have caused the masses to kneel before their television screens and their ornate stages and weep with exquisite, unbridled joy!
If only these pursuits could satiate someone with the artistic lust that rages like a voracious hydra inside a person such as I. The shackles of monotony are upon me. Alas! There is no such recreation to be found on the dreary plane of existence. O the tedium!

………

Did I mention how my artistic lust is like a hydra?

Love,
Pauly Shore